the longer story

So for those of you who know me from my previous blog, I feel I owe you some kind of explanation. Or update. Or something. Last time I posted over there was in September, and while I hadn’t exactly been a blogging dynamo this past year, I’ve never let anywhere near four months go between posts until now.

Truthfully, I don’t have a good reason. Sure, I’m busy – having a one-year old kid, aging family members, numerous monthly commitments, a bathroom reno in incredibly slow process, a very very part time job, a support group to run, a household to maintain, a marriage to nurture (thankfully, my spouse is indulgent in this regard – let’s make 2011 a little snugglier, eh, darling?) and, well, life will do that to a person – but if my priorities had been different, I’m sure I could have fit in at least a few posts over the last four months.

The real reason I’d abandoned writing is that I have been floundering. Both in terms of what I want to say here on the blog and in terms of what I want out of my life right now. I’ve been happy – amazingly happy – since our boy was born, and I love being his mother. But  major life changes have a way of bringing my angst to the forefront, so I’ve been trying to discern a direction for myself, some way to feel like I’m being productive beyond all the repetitive maintenance that occupies me most of the time. (Clearly, this is a problem I wished for years to have – staying home with my child, cut loose from the world of so-called careers where I never seem to truly fit anyway – but it is a problem nonetheless.)

Something clicked when I watched the video on vulnerability I shared in the last post, and I will probably write more about that over the next while. But for now, I’ll just say that I’ve been trying to come up with ways to be more me in my life – to be more connected, to waste less time on Facebook, to cultivate true friendships, to release all that does not make my life or my community more beautiful, to stop eating mediocre cookies. For a long while, I’ve also been yearning for a blog space that better reflects my life now, beyond infertility and parenting. I’ve been wanting a blog that, if my next door neighbour or former boss or brand new friend or son’s future classmates read it, I would feel proud to call my own.

This is that blog, my friends. I hope you’ll stick with me in this new space – there are no words to say how grateful I am to know each of you.

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14 Responses to the longer story

  1. VA Blondie says:

    Love the new space! Motherhood is a major change. I think infertility makes it harder to make the transition, in some ways.

  2. loribeth says:

    Glad to have you back blogging again, Anna! : )

  3. Wordgirl says:

    Authenticity. I get it.

    Life IS too short to eat mediocre cookies.

    Or bad chocolate.

    XO,

    Pam

  4. seplus2 says:

    I am so thrilled to read your words and be back in your brillant head again. We are even a very similiar space. Starting anew.

    I watched this video after you shared it on facebook. My daughter tried desperately to distract me but I got the overall jist of it. Specifically, the last minute had quite the effect on me too and I even linked it to my post last night.

  5. deathstar44 says:

    I am so happy to read your words again – I have been thinking about you and how C has been and what does he look like now and how bitter I am that you and a few others don’t live in my building. Oh, the support group we could have! I’ll be happy to go on your journey with you, so happy…..

  6. Ah, I get it. I stepped back, I stopped bloging, I created a new blog and still haven’t posted anything on it.
    The unexpected thing for me about motherhood is how it leads to a lot of self examining, am I being the genuine me? When did I stop, how do I get back there? I’m working on it, not blogging about it, but working on it.

    So wish you lived here, all the moms I have met don’t seem to get it.

  7. xraevision says:

    I am so incredibly happy that you’re back, Anna! I keep you in my heart and wait for your posts, all the while understanding your time away. Anais Nin wrote that to tell the whole truth of her life, she would likely need to keep four journals at once, and lately I’ve been considering starting a second blog.

    Sometimes I’m unsure about connecting with people, as our son’s medical conditions often push me into a state of isolation that perpetuates an uncertainty about the world beyond my front door. So, thank you for sharing the video of Brene Brown. I needed a little push in a different direction.

  8. JJ says:

    So glad to be with you here in your new space!

  9. YAY for the new digs! Sometimes, we just need to have a little refresh, I think. And sometimes that refresh calls for a new space. I love my old space. I miss my old space. But I also have such sad, negative feelings over what happened in that old space that I’m glad I hit “refresh” and grabbed a new bloggy space.

    I will have to find time to watch that video, but since my computer is outside the room where the boys are sleeping, I’ll have to do it another time. Ah, motherhood. Things you never think about going without (internet videos, for example…) always pop up to surprise me. Sigh.

  10. Emily says:

    Hooray! Its so wonderful to hear from you – I can’t wait to read what you have to say. I’ve missed you very much. xoxo

  11. Vee says:

    YAY! I am glad you are back, I have missed you heaps xx

  12. Merlot says:

    You phrased it all so well. Floundering is a wonderful way to say it.

  13. Mel says:

    Over here in the new space and updated in my Reader. I love this point: “all the repetitive maintenance that occupies me.” Because that is how life can feel sometimes — you said it perfectly. I think even if it’s the life you want, your brain still needs to be fed too. And that hunger isn’t a reflection of how much is on your plate. It’s just that the mind/body has a need to connect — with information, with other people, etc. So I’m glad you’re posting again.

  14. Ms Heathen says:

    How lovely to be able to read your ever thoughtful words again, anna! Looking forward to hearing more from you soon.

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