So for those of you who know me from my previous blog, I feel I owe you some kind of explanation. Or update. Or something. Last time I posted over there was in September, and while I hadn’t exactly been a blogging dynamo this past year, I’ve never let anywhere near four months go between posts until now.
Truthfully, I don’t have a good reason. Sure, I’m busy – having a one-year old kid, aging family members, numerous monthly commitments, a bathroom reno in incredibly slow process, a very very part time job, a support group to run, a household to maintain, a marriage to nurture (thankfully, my spouse is indulgent in this regard – let’s make 2011 a little snugglier, eh, darling?) and, well, life will do that to a person – but if my priorities had been different, I’m sure I could have fit in at least a few posts over the last four months.
The real reason I’d abandoned writing is that I have been floundering. Both in terms of what I want to say here on the blog and in terms of what I want out of my life right now. I’ve been happy – amazingly happy – since our boy was born, and I love being his mother. But major life changes have a way of bringing my angst to the forefront, so I’ve been trying to discern a direction for myself, some way to feel like I’m being productive beyond all the repetitive maintenance that occupies me most of the time. (Clearly, this is a problem I wished for years to have – staying home with my child, cut loose from the world of so-called careers where I never seem to truly fit anyway – but it is a problem nonetheless.)
Something clicked when I watched the video on vulnerability I shared in the last post, and I will probably write more about that over the next while. But for now, I’ll just say that I’ve been trying to come up with ways to be more me in my life – to be more connected, to waste less time on Facebook, to cultivate true friendships, to release all that does not make my life or my community more beautiful, to stop eating mediocre cookies. For a long while, I’ve also been yearning for a blog space that better reflects my life now, beyond infertility and parenting. I’ve been wanting a blog that, if my next door neighbour or former boss or brand new friend or son’s future classmates read it, I would feel proud to call my own.
This is that blog, my friends. I hope you’ll stick with me in this new space – there are no words to say how grateful I am to know each of you.